Lately, as a gay man, I have been exploring outspoken the world of tumblr and national news regarding civil liberties. There are freedom of marriage fights being waged across the country so that men can marry men and women can marry women. This is what I have been watching and waiting for, and my partner ( whom I call my Husband, sexy foxy devil that he is) and I have been so involved in this as we moved through our twenties that I think we have been out of the loop on the new sexual and gender identity issues surfacing all around us. I’ll explain.
As many of you out there know, a bevvy of sexual identity terms has sprouted up and outward over the past 10 years or so. When I was in high school, we has transexuals (barely), gays, lesbians, bisexuals. That was pretty much it. That’s what we knew, and what we fought to establish and protect. We were building on the foundation started for us by a generation of persecuted men and women living their lives in secret, whose history and struggle I knew of, but never fully embraced until adulthood. As a child who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, once I knew what I was, I also knew I had it better off than that previous generation. They accomplished that very parental role of making the world a better place for the next group of souls to wander down the paths they forged. Even so, we all faced our own bullies, demons, shame-monsters and abandonment issues. Those of us who came through are much stronger for it. We lost a few, sadly, over the years, but I can’t help feeling we’d have lost even more of our little oddball queer tadpoles if we hadn’t had predecessors to show us how to swim against the current.
As I began to explore, a few things happened. I saw newer forms of sexual identity appreciation blooming. I learned was cisgendered and pansexual are. I heard the voices of those in the trans community reaching out in pain and frustration for not being accepted and fought for by the gay and lesbian community. at first, this was difficult for me to understand. As I had known it, this fight had been a close knit cabal of refugees banded together by common cause. Perhaps I misconstrued the tail end of this bonded brother/sisterhood as something which would be everlasting, in the same way a child cannot foresee the end of summertime.
But, the times must and always change. These kids in their early twenties and late teens just following me were able to be openly gay without the aid of the trans community. Some, not all,but some began to pull away from our transexual friends. Others used personal preference to define what the new gay/lesbian movement should entail.They started a small movement of opinion with annecdotal colloquialisms:
“There are no bisexuals, only gays who haven’t admitted it. What a tranny. I only like masculine, outdoorsy types. She’s a lesbian bottom. I could never date a trans person, the equipment isn’t the same.”
Slowly these preferences coalesced into a culture-cloud big enough for our siblings in civil rights to feel. And it hurt them like losing a blood relative. Like another limb of the family tree which was cut off, they lost that supporting arm. Now, we have trans-community activists fighting to get something done with less help from the gay/lesbian community.
This is bullshit.
A key concept in Buddhism is that when we look at the world around us, and really see it for what it is, we will begin to notice that separation is an illusion and that all things are truly one thing.
All fights for Civil rights are one fight. When it comes down to the bones of why we fight for rights, it’s so that everyone can have them. Equally. So that we all can be who we are meant to be. So that we can love who we want to love, and live safely. We are not separate. We are part of a greater picture of family, and we owe it to each other to fight for not just our own rights, but for the rights of those next to us, to empower them to fight for those next to them, and the ones to follow.
When you feel alone, trans friends, pan-sexual friends, unknown friends, remember this idea. Separation is an illusion. We really are one, and there are others who know it, who feel you and your struggle and we are here. Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you are less than anything or anyone. We love you and we will help you.
I just really love this post, and it makes me so happy to see. :)